Do you know a toddler who refuses to budge? Has a preschooler ever called you stupid? Our natural reaction to these kinds of situations is often annoyance, and words that just don't work. Changing your approach, words, and even tone can have lasting effect not only on your relationship with a child but also on that child's behavior.

Learn to shift the way you communicate with young children. Communication isn't just what we say. Be effective in sending your message and know how to make the most of modeling.

"No," "Don't," and "Stop!" We often tell children what not to do because we want to keep them safe. Increase mindfulness around this and other communication pitfalls. Remember that we grow what we measure--and focus on what you do want.

Why thinking, feeling, and communicating don't all happen at the same time. Help your child think better by guiding them through emotionally difficult times. Use current brain research to increase your understanding and patience!

Sarah MacLaughlin has worked with children and families for over twenty years. With a background in education, she has previously been both a teacher and nanny. Sarah is currently a social worker at Youth Alternatives Ingraham in South Portland, Maine and works as a foster family coordinator and parenting and family educator. She is author of the book What Not to Say: Tools for Talking with Young Children and writes the Parenting Toolbox column for Parent & Family. Sarah considers it her life's work to to promote happy, well adjusted people in the future by increasing awareness of how children are spoken to today. She is mom to a young son who gives her plenty of opportunities to take her own advice about What Not to Say.